What had I wanted so badly that I’d forgotten to live? What was so important that I willingly sacrificed my happiness for it? After sitting, after allowing my mind to sputter out its last drops of fuel and settle on the ground in stillness, the obsessive thoughts of past and present subsided. My incessant clinging to what may have been dissipated into the vapor of nothingness. I’d been in wild pursuit of something I could never attain. My reaching only created lacking. It took my eyes off of what I had; what I’d always had.
Like a calm and abiding flame, my gratitude grew within me, warming every dimension of my person, physically and spiritually. I was whole, savoring the simple abundance of being in whatever moment I was in.
The chase had worn me out. It’d made me lose my faith. It’d made me focus on things that were not essentially real or true. The ego, clamorous and immature, echoing from the walls of my being, guided me to dissatisfaction. There was no signpost for my peace. No marker telling me where to go. Because I’d never left. I only thought I had.